


Soldier of Misfortune

by nOEcHoEs



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Blood, Dream Sex, First Time, Hurt Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Top!Castiel, bottom!Castiel, bottom!Dean, top!dean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-25
Updated: 2013-04-22
Packaged: 2017-11-13 12:22:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/503503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nOEcHoEs/pseuds/nOEcHoEs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel makes a decision to confront Raphael in the final battle of Heaven's Civil War as an alternative to opening Purgatory. His family isn't willing to accept the consequences of his actions when he is killed. To make matters worse Dean can't stop dreaming about him, but he'll be damned if he won't try to fix their broken friendship, even if it's only in his head. Dean finds it hard to explain that he's in love with his dead best friend that he sees every night when he goes to sleep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Price of Victory

**Author's Note:**

> I've rewritten, and revamped this story. I hope you still enjoy. Expect an update every week now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've revamped this story...a little to a lot. Planning on updating every week.

Raphael stared as the battle raged. Soldiers were falling; brothers were dying. I didn't matter. All that mattered was that he killed the pest in front of him. "Please tell me this is some sort of joke, Castiel. You really aren't about to fight me, are you?" 

"You think too highly of yourself." 

"Even with the weapons, your power isn't close to mine. If this really is your final stand, you are going to lose."

Castiel knew what Raphael was saying was mostly true, but there wasn't another way to go about this. All he could hope for was that while Raphael focused on killing him, Ramiel was fast enough to use the sword.

*****

"This is the most idiotic plan you've ever had!" Balthazar yelled.

The other angels looked crossed at Balthazar. They murmured to each other. If they were experiencing problems between their Colonel and their general, what hope could they have? 

"It is the best option we have." Castiel assured the room. 

"What about Purgatory?" Balthazar tried desperately. "You were going to get the souls of Purgatory and use them to defeat Raphael. What happened to that plan?"

Castiel lowered his head. His eyes darkened. "It wouldn't have worked." 

"Yes it would have!" He protested. "You won't go through with it, because the Winchesters doesn't want you to."

The other angels turned and looked to Castiel. They knew of their leader's infatuation with the human, but taking orders from him was another thing. 

"He brought up a valid point." Castiel deflected. Balthazar moved to protest again.

"Enough!" Castiel commanded slammed his hand down on the table. The angels stood straight at attention. "You trusted me as your leader. This is the plan I've set forth. Do you not trust my judgement."

"We do sir." Ramiel spoke up. He was one of the younger angels under Castiel's command.

"If your plan works, then Balthazar is to take command?" Amitiel asked.

Castiel looked to Balthazar. His brother's face was red with anger. He clenched his fists in an attempt to keep himself from grabbing Castiel and beating sense into him. 

"Are you with me, Balthazar?" 

 

******

Castiel attacked first, flying at Raphael from behind. He clawed at the Archangel's six wings. Raphael swung one of his razor sharp wings at Castiel. The younger angel was thrown off of him He hit the tundra hard, blood spilled from his nose onto the ground. 

********

"While I attack Raphael, Ramiel is to be given the sword. 

"He is young, Castiel." Tariel raised concern. 

The young angel fidgeted. Castiel signed and nodded. "He is the fastest."

Ramiel turned his bright green eyes towards his general. "You are the fastest, sir."

"This is true." Joshua concluded. "It's one of the reasons you were chosen to raise the righteous man from perdition."

The last thing Castiel needed was to think about Dean. His charge was furious with him. He'd convinced him that going after Purgatory was wrong, but Castiel didn't have time to make apologies. The plan had to be done now before Raphael got any more powerful.

"I taught you myself, Ramiel. I trust you do to this."

 

********

"You are pathetic, Castiel." Raphael said, as he kicked his brother's useless vessel around. The holy armor Castiel wore wasn't strong enough to absorb all the damage.

"At least I'm not a coward." Castiel spat. Raphael brought his foot down across a wing.

******

"No." Balthazar snapped.

"Balthazar..." Castiel sympathized and reached for his brother's shoulder. Balthazar shook him off.

"He will destroy you, Cas." Balthazar tried to reason with him. "You'll die a horrible, gruesome death. 

"I already have." Castiel muttered. "I'm tired. Tired of the war....of everything."

"So this is suicide then?" Balthazar snarled. 

"I'm not hoping to die." 

"Then don't let it take you." Balthazar grabbed his brother's arm. "We'll find a different way. You don't have to do this."

"I'm tired of hearing that phrase. I no longer care if there is another way, this is my way. This is my mess. I started a war I couldn't hope to wind, and now I have to finish it." Castiel walked and ran a hand over Michael's armor.

"Dean won't forgive you if you do this." Balthazar walked to stand beside Castiel.

"Don't bring him into this, Balthazar." Castiel snarled at him. 

"Is this not what it's about. Your human. You do everything he asks of you, no matter how he treats you."

"It doesn't matter anymore." Castiel told him. 

"Your history with him doesn't matter?" Balthazar challenged. "I know how you worry over him, of all of them really. They've become your makeshift little family."

Castiel spun and turned I Balthazar. "They are my family."

"I'm your damn family." Balthazar grabbed Castiel by his coat lapels and slammed him into the wall. "You are my brother, but my opinion doesn't seem to matter to you." 

"You left me. You all left me! I was thrown out on my own, hunted down, and killed and no one cared. None of my family grieved my death. They celebrated it, because they were finally rid of me. They saw me as they saw Lucifer." 

"I'm here now. I'm with you, I'm fighting this goddamn war for you. I love you. What more do I have to do?!" Balthazar screamed. 

"Balth," Castiel called to his brother by his childhood name. "You have to let me go." 

"You can't ask me-" 

"I can, and I am. If you truly love me, you will let me fight Raphael and you'll let me die." 

Tears collected in Balthazar's eyes. "I can't, Cassie. I can't lose you." 

"You've lived without me before. You'll survive, Balthazar. You always do." Castiel caressed his brother's face. 

"Maybe...maybe dad will bring you back. He's always done it before." Balthazar tried to gather some hope. 

"As I believe they say, the third time's the charm." Castiel grabbed Balthazar and pulled him into a hug. Balthazar silently cried into his younger brother's shoulder. 

"If I tell Dean what you're doing, he'll stop you." 

"Dean does not own me. He doesn't get to chose this for me anymore than you do." Castiel told him. 

"He'll hate you." Balthazar told him. 

"He already hates me, Balthazar." Castiel admitted. "It won't matter to me when I'm dead." 

"You won't even say goodbye to him?" Balthazar asked as Castiel turned to walk away. 

Castiel hung his head. "What could I possibly say to him?" 

Balthazar shook his head sadly. "You need this for you. Give yourself closure, Cas. No matter what he says to you, you need to say goodbye." 

"Thank you, Balthazar." Castiel told him. "For everything." 

He clapped his younger brother on the shoulder. His smile was bitter-sweet as he looked at the armor. "You might as well put it on. Michael's not coming back. Wear it as the general of Heaven. Besides, you'll want to look good when the humans draw you in their books." 

*****

"Should I go?" Ramiel asked, Balthazar. They stood at the edge of the battlefield. Both of then watched as Castiel and Raphael fought. 

"Not yet." Balthazar flinched as a piece of armor flew by his head. The two armies converged. screams and blood filled the air. Balthazar couldn't bring himself to count how many of their soldiers had fallen.

A scream tore out of Castiel's throat as Raphael snapped one of his wings. Balthazar's stomach sank and a pained noise escaped Ramiel's throat.

"But he's killing him!" Ramiel cried.

Balthazar knew that Castiel had mentored the young warrior. He was as close to Castiel as Castiel had been to Ana. "His goal wasn't to survive this, Ramiel. You know that as well as I." 

The young warrior of god turned his head as to not let the Colonel see him cry. 

******

Raphael sliced his blade downward and watch as it ripped open the younger angel's thigh. 

"Give up, Castiel. Your men are dying, and there won't be enough left of you to tell what you even were." 

"All the more reason," Castiel gave Raphael a pained smirk, "to go out fighting." 

With a flick of a wrist, Castiel went flying. He groaned as bones have way to the ground. 

"When I'm through with you, I think I'll pay a visit to your human. I'll let you die knowing that I'll drag him back into hell were he belongs." 

Castiel pushed himself off the ground, and flew into Raphael with his sword.


	2. Chapter 2

Raphael cried out as the sword sunk into his chest. "You miserable little maggot." He raised his hand and sent out a voltage of pure grace towards Castiel. He didn't have time to dodge the blast. 

He couldn't cry out as he fell to the ground due to the blood that blocked his throat. His body convulsed and spasmed.

"I'm done with you!" Raphael yelled as he aimed his sword at Castiel's throat. 

"Ramiel go, now!" Balthazar yelled.

The angel took flight with the sword held close to him. He flew straight to Raphael. 

Raphael turned and hit the approaching soldier with his wing. The small angel fell to the ground with a cry of pain.

"This was your master plan? Have one of your followers try and stab me in the back?" Raphael left Castiel and walked towards Ramiel. He kneeled down beside the young warrior. 

"You picked the wrong side, dear little Ramiel." Rapahel growled. He raised his sword over his head and drove it downwards. 

Castiel moved at the last second. He landed in front of Ramiel and kicked Raphael in the legs, knocking his feet out from under him. Castiel reached for the sword. 

Raphael grabbed his leg and dragged him back. The archangel's sword slid across his throat.

*****

Sam caught Dean rubbing his chest.

"What is it?" He asked worriedly.

"I don't know. I guess that BLT didn't sit well with me or something. It feels like I've got heart burn." Dean frowned.

"Well I think I've got something for heartburn if you need something." Bobby said, as he pointed him to the medicine cabinet.

*******

Castiel choked on his own blood and it pulsed from his neck. He couldn't breathe. Blood ran down into his eyes, blinding him. 

"No!" Ramiel screamed. 

"He's dead, boy. You've failed." 

A sword slid cleanly through the archangel's eye.

"That wasn't the plan, asshole." Balthazar spoke from the other side of the sword. He pulled Gabriel's sword from Raphael's eye and watched as he fell to the ground. His grace lit aflame and Balthazar watched the Archangel die. The feeling was bittersweet.

*****

Bobby looked out the window and appropriately lost his shit.

"Boys!" He shouted. Sam and Dean came running into the kitchen and stopped as they looked out the window. Snow fell from the sky and gently coated the ground. It was June. 

*******

"Castiel!" Balthazar croaked as he clamped a hand down on his brother's throat. 

Castiel tried to talk, but the movement only made the blood pour out faster.

"Tell...Dean...didn't...betray..." Cas broke off with a pained moan.

"Shh, brother. I'll tell him what you did." Balthazar comforted him.

"W...Where do...think...we...go?" Castiel struggled to breathe.

"Paradise, I believe. Where there is nothing but oceans, and trees, and sky that's pure and white."

"Missin'...one th...thing." Castiel gasped.

"What's that?" Balthazar asked, fears falling down his cheek.

"M...my family..."

Balthazar wished he could curse those goddamn humans, but he didn't want to upset Castiel in his last moments.

"Take...care...of them." Castiel begged Balthazar.

"Castiel-" 

"P...please keep...safe. It's...all I ask...of you." Castiel whispered.

"As annoying as they are, Castiel, I'll keep them safe for you. I won't let anything happen to them."

"Tell...Dean...s'rry." Castiel's eyes rolled into the back of his head as his body went into a seizure. His muscles spasmed, and he he choked on his own blood. 

Balthazar watched as his brother died in agony. He couldn't sit here and stand to watch Castiel suffer this any longer. A slit throat was a slow and painful way to die. It wasn't what Castiel deserved. Balthazar reached for his blade. Tears fell from his face and dripped down upon Castiel's face. He raised his blade above Castiel's heart and shoved the blade in smoothly. 

It was a clean hit. The blade hit his heart, and Balthazar watched as Castiel's grace died out. Balthazar was left to look at his brother's dead vessel. 

A murmur of voices gathered behind him as the angels came to see aftermath. 

"Balthazar," A hand grasped his shoulder, "you must take command. We must control Raphael's forces, before they continue on to fight." 

He felt a surge of anger that they expected him to be able to carry on and lead only minutes after their leader had fallen, but then he remembered. This was a battlefield, and these were soldiers. Cold-hearted and ready to kill.

"Take a garrison of three-hundred still strong after Raphael's forces. Don't lose their location. We will regroup once we access who is left." Balthazar ordered. 

"What of the rest?" The angel asked. 

"I'll take care of the rest of the soldiers. Now quickly, we have the upper hand." 

****

"Oh Jesus, my fucking chest!" Dean shouted in pain. The elder Winchester was doubled over on the floor, desperately grabbing at his burning chest. 

"Dean," Sam shouted in worry, "what's happening?" 

"It's my chest." Dean spat out through gritted teeth. "It feels like it exploded." 

"Heart attack?" Bobby asked Sam.

"This feels different." Dean told them. "It's slowly ebbing away."

Bobby reached for Dean's wrist to feel his pulse. "Your heart rate is normal, so it's not a heart attack." 

"Then what the hell is it?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I would update weekly, but I started volunteering at an animal shelter, and I'm in the school musical, and our exams are coming up, so that kind of went out the window. I'm sorry for not updating sooner.

Balthazar called his remaining forces into order. There was a significantly lower number of soldiers than what they had started with. 

The angels watched him warily as he trudged his way through the blood and the bodies to an area where they all could see him. "MICALZO," he shouted. (in mighty power) The angels fell silent and bowed their heads to him. 

"Raphael has fallen, but the battle is not yet won. It is required of us to drive the remnants of his legion into submission. Our battle here today was not without sacrifice. Our General,Castiel, the one who was brave enough to stand against Raphael, has fallen. He gave his life for us, so we may have freedom. It is out responsibility to make sure his vision does not die with him. We must honor the blood of our fallen brother with victory!"

The angels raised their swords and gave a fierce battle cry. Balthazar, even though he had strayed from the path, was a soldier, and a damn fine one at that. He had no desire to lead this army, however. But he had no other choice at the moment. Castiel entrusted him to do this, and he would. 

Balthazar called his lieutenant to him. "Round up the able soldiers, contact the healers to take care of the wounded, and call upon the elders to take the dead to a place to morn.

"And Castiel's body, sir?" 

"Make sure it is distinguished." 

****

Raphael's army surrendered three days after the Archangel fell. Balthazar's army was exhausted and many were dead. The dead empowered, though. The dead reminded them all of what they had been fighting for. 

Free will.

It was what they had exhausted themselves for. It was what their comrades perished for. The dead made the victory more real, but now Balthazar hadn't a clue how to continue. The angels had to be taught free will. They had to be taught right from wrong. It was going to be a challenge, and Balthazar had to make sure he had someone to teach them. 

Now he had other matters to attend to. 

He had sent an angel to retrieve the Winchesters and bring them to Heaven. They would most likely be angry at being brought to Heaven, but they would deal with it. Balthazar knew that they cared for Castiel, but they treated him more as a lackey than a friend. Balthazar wanted to show them, more specifically Dean, what that caused. 

****

It was evening in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Bobby was buried in books, Sam was busy at his computer, and Dean was searching for any lead on Crowley and Castiel's deal to open Purgatory. They hadn't heard from Cas in about a week. They found out that their friend had been lying to them for the past year. 

Sam couldn't get over the fact that Cas had raised him out of Hell...without a soul. He couldn't believe that Cas would have done it on purpose, but with the events of the last year, Sam wasn't sure of himself. 

Dean was harder hit than anyone. He had trusted Cas when no one else would. He expected that his angel wouldn't betray them like this. He had been kicking himself ever since. 

The sound of wings interrupted their working silence. Dean assumed it was yet again, Castiel trying to convince them of his plan to pop Purgatory. 

He was wrong. 

"Winchesters?" A voiced asked. 

The three of them jumped up, weapons ready. "Who are you?" Dean demanded of the angel. 

"The general requests your presence." The angel told them. 

"Yeah, well I don't think we'll be going anywhere." Dean growled. He grabbed his angel sword from it's holster in his jacket and raised it threateningly. 

The angel flicked his wrist and all of their weapons flew out of their hands and against the wall. Dean moved to run towards the angel, but found he was stuck in his place. 

"There is no need to be violent. I pose no threat to you." The angel told them. "I am on your side."

"Well I hate to break it to you, but your boss's side isn't our side." Bobby grumbled at him. 

"This isn't an argument." Before they could blink, the angel had zapped in front of them, his hand outstretched. He zapped them and took flight to Heaven.

****

They landed on marble floor. The three of them looked around at where the angel had dropped them. It was a beautiful hallway filled with detailed arches, and pure white statues. White light that looked light sunlight shined through windows. 

"Where are we?" Sam asked. 

"Heaven." Said a new voice. The three humans turned around to see a scrawny looking kid, with a black eye and a split lip, in front of them. The most noticeable part of him however, were his white wings. 

"Are we dead?" Dean asked. 

"No," the angel answered, "you are not dead. My name is Ramiel, and I'm here to take you to the general." 

"Why couldn't he just come to us?" Bobby asked. "It's a hell of a lot easier." 

"Just follow me." Ramiel started to walk down the hall. Sam, Dean, and Bobby shared a look between one another before following the angel. They had only walked a few minutes, admiring all the beauty of this place, when they heard a scream. They all covered their ears in pain. 

"What is that?" Dean asked. 

"Just a soldier wounded during battle." Ramiel answered and urged them forwards. 

They stopped at a room, and Ramiel held a door open for them. The carefully walked in, wary of what was in the room. 

"So good of you to finally join us." Dean knew that smarmy voice. 

"Balthazar!" Dean shouted. 

"Yes, so good of you to notice." 

"What the hell are we doing here? Where is Cas?" Sam demanded. 

Balthazar sighed. "You three should sit." 

"We're find standing, thanks." Dean crossed his arms over his chest. 

"I know you are aware of the plan to open Purgatory." Balthazar started. 

"If you brought us here to try and convince-" 

"Don't interrupt me." Balthazar snarled. "You no longer need to worry about it." 

"What? Why?" 

"The war is over." 

"So all of that is over, just like that?" Dean asked. "Did Cas open the door, or what other shitty plan did he come up with." 

"A pretty shitty plan." Balthazar answered. 

"What happened?" Bobby asked. 

Balthazar sighed and started to pace around the room. "Raphael is dead. We led a head on attack against him and his army, and somehow we won. No demons. No Purgatory." 

"It worked?" Sam clarified. 

"Yes, you could call it a victory, but then again when your general dies is it really a win?" 

They froze. Dean's heart fell to his stomach, and he couldn't catch his breath. 

"What?" Sam managed to choke out. 

No.

"We led the attack on Rapahel, and Castiel had the idea of facing him head on. Like I said it was a pretty shitty plan."

"Where is he?" Dean gasped. 

"Dead." 

Oh God, no. 

A white pain rushed Dean's mind. Cas was dead. Cas was dead. 

"No." Sam said, his eyes watering. "We...we just saw him the other day." 

"He died three days ago." Balthazar told him. "He wanted you to know that he didn't betray your trust by opening Purgatory. He said he was sorry." 

"Damn angel." Bobby murmured. 

"How-“ Dean’s voice cracked, “how did he die?”

"It would be better if you were spared the details.” 

"Tell us." Dean barked out.

"Raphael slit his throat." 

Sam choked on a mangled sentence, while Dean just stared at Balthazar.

"It was slow...he was dying so slowly… I did the only thing I could." Balthazar's voice shattered. "I shoved a sword into his chest to end his suffering.”

Dean turned and ran out the door. "Cas!" He called. "Castiel, you get your ass here right now!” 

Cas wasn't dead. The stupid idiot didn't go and get himself killed. Dean knew he was still alive. He knew his angel was still alive. He came to a big open room, and stopped dead in his tracks. Inside were hundreds of dead bodies. Hundreds of them all line in rows. It was the angel equivalent of a viewing. Various angels walked about the room paying their respects. They all turned to look at Dean as he walked into the room.

There was an elevated area in the room where light shined from windows and highlighted the whole area. It could only be described as heavenly. Dean climbed the stairs to the “coffin” and stood shocked at what he found. 

Castiel was laid out on the stone. He was shirtless, and Dean could see the damage that had been dealt on his friend before his death. Dean saw how the damaged to Castiel’s throat had been stitched with gold thread as to not leave the wound gaping. Dean reached out and touched Cas’s face. His body was cold and unmoving. He was pale and so obviously dead that Dean felt faint. 

“You stupid bastard.” Dean’s lip quivered and his body shook as he looked on at his best friend’s body. A hand came to rest on his shoulder.  
“It’s okay, Dean.” Sam said gently. “It’s okay to grieve.” 

Dean shook his head as several tears traced their way down the hunter’s face. “I could have fixed this.” He said brokenly. “We could have stopped this together. We could have worked things out, and we would have eaten at some shitty to-go diner while we were in the middle of a hunt, and he…” Sam squeezed his shoulder. “God, Sammy.” 

“He went out saving the world.” Sam said. Tears fell from his eyes. “If there ever was a way to go…” Sam trailed off. “I’ll…I’ll be in the hall if you need me, Dean.”

Dean grasped Castiel’s hand and held it in his own. “I’m so sorry, Cas.” 

“You never told him did you?” Balthazar asked from behind him. 

Dean closed his eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He growled. 

“You never told him that you loved him.” Dean remained silent. “And don’t pull that with me. I could read it all over your face every time you two were near each other. What is the point of acting like it doesn’t hurt you, Dean. Even I know how this ebbing away at your soul.” 

“Just go.” Dean snapped.

Balthazar sighed in frustration. “If it means anything, he felt the same way about you.” 

“Wait!” Dean turned to Balthazar. “What are you going to do with his body?” 

“That’s not a body. That’s just how your mind perceives it. His vessel is gone, however,” Balthazar handed something to Dean. “I figured you might want this.” Balthazar handed the trench coat over to him. 

Dean let a small thank you slip out. 

“No matter how hard you try to keep this act up, Dean. I will always know what lies in your heart, and that’s not something you can hide.” 

 

*****

 

Balthazar returned them to Bobby’s house. As soon a Dean’s feet hit the ground, he marched upstairs with the trench coat in hand. 

Sam and Bobby both looked at each other, both agreeing to leave Dean alone. He came down the stairs a few minutes later shed of layers of clothing. “Do we have any firewood?” 

“There’s some over by the shop.” Bobby told him. 

Sam looked on in confusion as his brother walked out the front door. “Where is he going?” 

“He’s building a pyre. Boy may not have a body to burn, but he’ll still feel like he’s putting Cas’s soul to rest.” 

Sam frowned and started to walk towards the door to help his brother. Bobby stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. “He needs to do this alone, Sam.” 

“He was my friend, too.” Sam argued. 

“It’s more than that, and you know it.” Bobby admonished. 

Sam looked outside the kitchen window as he saw his brother starting to bring wood around. “We have to pull him through this, Bobby.” 

“And we will, Sam, but for the most part, we have to let him come to terms with it on his own.” 

 

****

The sun had fallen behind the horizon when Sam and Bobby joined Dean outside. He had built the empty pyre all by himself and was covered in wood shavings. He held a match box in his hand. He glanced to his family before lighting a match and throwing it onto the pyre. Bobby removed his hat in respect, while Dean glared into the flames. 

After the pyre was halfway burnt down, Bobby turned to go back inside. “Dean,” Sam said, “it’s getting late.” 

“I’m not leaving.” 

“Neither am I.”

 

****

 

It was after three in the morning before Dean made it up to his room. He kicked off his shoes and stripped of his clothes before fall into the bed. He stared up at the ceiling musing over his thoughts when what had really happened hit him. The first sob broke free from his lips. Dean wiped furiously at his eyes. When the sobs kept coming, Dean curled in on himself and cried himself to sleep, not knowing the joys sleep would bring.


	4. Chapter 4

"Humans find it enjoyable to watch explosions in the sky?" 

"It's the Fourth of July, Cas! It America's Independence Day." Dean exclaimed. 

"You celebrate your history by eating," Cas looked at food in his hand, "hotdogs, drinking alcohol, and watching explosives light up the sky." 

"Is there a better way to celebrate?" Dean asked, taking a sip of his beer. He leaned off the edge of the pier and watched the fireworks. "Stop questioning it, and eat your hotdog." 

Castiel looked the hotdog over before taking a small bite. "This is terrible." He grimaced. 

Dean laughed. "Fair food, buddy. Trust me as much as I've had, this ain't that bad." 

Castiel took another bite, despite not liking the food. It would be rude to throw it away after Dean bought it for him. "Where is Sam?"

Dean grinned. "Remember the ticket girl?" 

"Yes, we only saw her a little over an hour ago, Dean." 

"There you go." 

Castiel squinted his eyes. "I don't understand what the girl has to do with Sam's absence-" Castiel was struck with realization. 

"Now he gets it." Dean muttered to himself. 

"Oh." Castiel replied. "I see." He shifted awkwardly. 

"Don't knock it till you try it, man." Dean told him. 

"You aren't going to take me to a den of iniquity are you?" Castiel asked, alarmed. 

"Not tonight." Dean watched a family near them as their children squealed in delight. 

"I was there ." 

"Where?" Dean asked. 

"On the battlefield the day this war was won." Castiel answered. 

"No way. Dude there is no way." Dean smiled. "You were there for the Revolution?!" 

"I've been stationed on Earth for over two thousand years." 

Dean snorted. "You are one old son of a bitch." 

"You were aware of that already." 

"But it's not like I really think of it? You look my age, Cas. It's hard to remember you're older than creation." Dean paused. "This must be a low point in your life, huh?"

"What do you mean?" Castiel asked, puzzled. 

"You've been alive literally forever, and the stuff you've seen...It must suck to be bumming it on Earth with some lowly human." 

"As I recall, this lowly human taught me what free will was. In all of creation, I've never experienced that, so you'll have to excuse me if I think that celebrating America's freedom with you on a pier, eating hot dogs, and watching fireworks is a high point in my life." 

Castiel joined Dean in leaning over the rail. Watching the reflection of the fireworks in the waves of the ocean. 

"You don't have to eat that." Dean told him, referring to the hotdog.

"I know." Castiel threw the hotdog to a dog that was standing near them. "Next time I'll take a burger." 

****

He woke up with his face in his pillow. The blankets were wrapped around him, but he still felt cold. That was the first Fourth of July that he celebrated with Cas, and it would be the last. Dean rubbed a hand over his eyes, trying to convince himself not to get up, but he knew that it wouldn't get any better the longer he wallowed in his feelings. 

Dean forced himself out of the covers. The grabbed some sweat pants from his duffle bag and put them on. He caught sight of the trench coat laying over the back of the chair in the room. There were numerous blood stains and holes ripped into the coat. Dean ran his fingers over the ragged cloth, taking in a deep breath. The least he could do was wash it. 

**** 

Sam and Bobby were already awake and sitting in the living room when Dean came down. Sam was about remark about how early he had woken up when he saw what Dean had in his hands. 

"Do you have any color safe bleach, Bobby?" Dean asked. 

"I might have some left. You'll have to take the clothes out of the washer." 

"Will do." Dean said, and walked into the laundry room. Sam looked helplessly at Bobby.

The older hunter grumbled. "If he wants to fix the damn trench coat, let him. It's not hurting anyone."

"It's not that I'm worried about, I'm worried about what happens after he's fixed it, when he goes after the liquor." 

"He's just lost his best friend, Sam. I'm sure that's something you can relate to." Bobby argued. 

"Of course, but I don't have a habit of drinking myself into a coma either." Sam said. 

"So we'll keep an eye on him. I'm not going to deny him anything. Boy's hurting, and the beer will take the edge off." Bobby explained. 

Sam clenched his fists. "Bobby-"

"I know." Bobby answered. "We make it through every time." 

"But the things I said to him, I made him think that I thought he would leave me soul behind on purpose. I called him down here just five days ago and I..."

"Do you think it really mattered what you said to him, Sam?"

"He was my friend, hell my only friend I've had in a long time, and I said some horrible things to him." Sam gritted his teeth. "Now he's dead." 

"He would forgive you." Bobby told him. "He was one of us." 

"Maybe." 

"You remember that skittish mutt I had when you were a teenager?"

"The one with the matted hair?" Sam asked. 

"He always had a problem with some of the animals. He'd nip at the chickens and fight the other dogs He killed one of the other dogs one day. I beated into him that what he had done was wrong." 

"What happened?"

"A big dog came into the yard and started attacking the dogs. He came after old Terry, and the stupid mutt listened to what I told him. The dog tore him to pieces." 

"That's supposed to make me feel better?" Sam asked.   
   
Bobby glared at him. "I grabbed him and drove out to the vets in town. I tried to get him help and save him, and the whole time this damn mutt kept giving me this look saying that it was okay. Old Terry died." 

Sam remained silent. 

"Do you think Cas was thinking about what you said to him when he died?" Bobby asked. "And if he was, do you really think he wouldn't forgive you? He wasn't the type to hold anything against you boys." 

"I don't forgive me." Sam said. Bobby got up and clapped him on the shoulder. "You'll learn to live with it." 

*****

They hadn't done anything all day. Bobby didn't answer his phones. They all stayed close to each other. Dean was working on sewing up the trench coat, and Sam had to admit it was looking better. He figured that it was somehow helping Dean grieve, so neither he nor Bobby questioned it. 

When night came around, Sam willingly slid into bed. He fell asleep easily, with help of some sleeping pills, and soon found himself dreaming. 

He was on a battlefield. 

Correction, in the middle of a battlefield. The jumped back as a dead body fell in front of him with an angel sword sticking out in steepen it's eyes. He covered his eyes from all the light and started to run away. A scream caught his attention, and he turned his head just in time to see Raphael slit Castiel's throat. 

"No!" Sam cried out, and ran towards the angel. Castiel turned his head towards him, the blooding pouring out of his throat. 

"I did what you said, Sam."

"I didn't want this!" Sam cried, watching Castiel choke on his own blood. "I didn't mean for this to happen!" 

"I did what you said, Sam." Castiel repeated, his neck no longer bleeding. Wing imprints covered the ground."I did what you said, Sam. Aren't you pleased?"

Sam woke up with a shout. He was covered in sweat and he ran to the bathroom to vomit. Once he had emptied his stomach, he got into the shower and turned the water on and sat. He hugged his knees to himself as he cried. "I didn't want this."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story differs in a bit, as Sam called Castiel down to tell him something before he went to the final battle.


End file.
